Deep thoughts provoked by Amy's baby

For many of us younguns in the office, Amy's pregnancy is our first opportunity to watch the miracle of life first-hand. The experience brings a new perspective through which we view the present and analyze the past. Armed with an enhanced life-lens I hope to tackle the great mysteries and raise my own questions in "deep thoughts provoked by Amy's baby."

Genesis 1:27
"God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them."

If we are all created in God's image, does that mean God looks like a gelatinous, translucent blob, whose head makes up over half of it's 2 inch body? Perhaps God looks like your freckly ginger nephew, or The Notorious B.I.G., or Pamela Anderson! But wait! All of these people look completely different! Is God some sort of shape-shifting chameleon? Maybe he's a large amalgamation of all of us, held together by Elmers glue, gravity, and divine power.

Whether shape-shifting chameleon or enormous glue ball, your pimply ginger nephew rears his nauseating head into God's image completely for a millisecond, or as small part of the greater whole. Which leads us to the obvious question, when a viciously ugly person comes into existence does God become self conscious and superficial, looking into the cosmic mirror saying to himself, "damn, my image is wack?"

Lets step back a moment though, there's no need for your ginger cousin to look like your ginger cousin! God, being omnipotent, has the ability to make everyone beautiful! Why doesn't he? The only logical conclusion is that our collective purpose is to entertain the big guy as he reclines on his lazy-boy, watching the universal television show that is our existence, and God likes sitcoms. Now you know the meaning of life. You're welcome.

Note: some critics may say "hey wise guy, beauty is a subjective social construct, our many differences should be celebrated not critiqued, life's true beauty is measured on the inside through the sum of actions exercised via our free will." But only ugly people say that. Shut up you ugly cultural relativist critics.